Hey friends! A few days ago I asked you in my IG Stories to share with me some questions about life that are currently in your head. Some of them I already answered via DM, and a couple of them gave me ideas for future blog posts, so I won’t be answering them here. As for the rest, here are my thoughts on your questions about life. Have fun reading and feel free to continue the discussion!
Note: Some of those questions were originally asked in languages other than English.
Question: “I recently saw a reality show where someone was asked what they were afraid of. They said they were afraid of finding someone they’d really love… and at the same time, afraid of never finding them at all. I really felt that!”
Answer: I think the wording here is very interesting, because it’s not about the fear of being loved – it’s the fear of loving. The fear of finding someone you really like at a moment you’re not ready to commit for one reason or another. I guess that’s very relatable at a time in your life when you’ve got so much going on, constantly growing and getting to know yourself. Committing to another person, when you’ve been working so hard on committing to yourself. I get why this is hard.
At the same time there’s that nagging feeling that questions whether you’ve ever going to find that person at all. Whether you choosing yourself time and time again is going to make you unhappy in the long run.
As much as I believe that we’re writers of our own book, I also kinda believe in fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason and everything that hasn’t happened yet, hasn’t happened for a reason. When it comes to relationships, timing is just as important as chemistry. You just have to trust that the right person will be there at the right time. If they’re not, it’s not the right time yet.
Question: “What do you think about the extreme feminism undermining the male roles, hence changing relationships between genders?”
[The person later explained that they feel like feminism and women “not needing a man” are leading to women choosing themselves over a (heterosexual) relationship more often in recent years.]
Answer: I think your wording here is kinda questionable, but I’m gonna go ahead and ignore that.
The short answer to your question would be: No, I don’t think feminism (or whatever type of behavior you describe as feminism) has an impact on women choosing not to commit (to a man). At least not the way you’re implying.
First of all, you need to understand that up until a couple of decades ago, women had little to no saying in how to live their lives. The ultimate life goal of society for a woman was for her to get married and have children.. and if she was particularly lucky, she even got to decide who she got married to. At no point in their lives did women have the opportunity to choose themselves over anyone. Why is it so surprising when they do it now?
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that you’re currently having trouble finding a partner. I don’t know what experiences you’ve had with feminism that lead you to your conclusions, but I think it’s safe to say that us women being independent has nothing to do with our human need for love and security.
Feminism is not about us women rejecting men, undermining their importance or refusing to let them into our lives. Feminism is about the freedom to decide and to be – something we’ve never had before and something women in other cultures are still being denied to this day. Reducing feminism to men is exactly the type of androcentric world view that we’re trying to change.
I am not judging you for your feelings on the topic, though I would advise you to be more selective with your impressions – just because you know women who are maybe a little too extreme in their beliefs, it doesn’t mean they’re representative for all of us. To me personally, these are women who fail to see the whole picture and take the easy way out by simply hating on men. I don’t think you should be worried here – being strong and independent doesn’t mean you’re not human – we all need love. Whether it’s from men, from other women or from cats. 🙂
My advise: Don’t look for a woman who needs you. Codependency is unhealthy. Look for a woman who knows where she’s standing in life and is looking for a likely-minded person to share her passions, thoughts and beliefs with. Those are the kind of relationships that last.
Question: Since the beginning of quarantine I’ve been spending much more time on my phone than before, even though I have other hobbies (I like painting and I’m learning french online). What about you? Do you think isolation is making us even more dependable on our phones?
Answer: First of all, congrats on using the situation to learn something new! I myself haven’t been the most productive, but I haven’t been bored either.
First of all, “being on your phone” can mean a lot of things. Are you talking on the phone? Are you on social media? Are you playing games? I don’t like it when people reduce a huge diversity of activities to the medium they’re taking place on. Apart from that, just because someone finds a certain activity “pointless”, doesn’t mean it isn’t useful for someone else.
Of course quarantine is encouraging indoor activities and your phone provides you with quite a few. Still, let’s not forget that during quarantine people also baked bread like crazy, tried new home workouts and sewed their own face masks. So no, I don’t think quarantine made us more dependable on our phones. I think we have been making ourselves dependable for quite a while. Whether that’s good or bad, it’s for each of us individually to decide.
Question: “There are so many problems in the world right now and meanwhile I’m complaining about my vacation being cancelled (I was supposed to fly to the States this month). I feel like an ungrateful b**** for that.”
Answer: I think you have the right to complain about anything that’s making you sad (right now or whenever). Just because someone is worse off than you, doesn’t mean you have to act happy all the time. I also very much relate to this, because one of my trips got cancelled and the other one (USA just like you) is most likely to get cancelled too. It sucks!
That being said, I don’t think getting frustrated about something we can’t change will get us very far. It’s just a waste of energy!
Question: “I’d really like to do something cool for a living but I studied something kinda dull so I don’t know what field I could work in with it..”
Answer: I don’t know you very well so I have no idea what you studied and what your current job exactly is. But I’d be very curious to know your definition of a “cool job” and why you consider your current job “uncool”.
Here’s my definition of a “cool” job: A job you like doing and you’re good at. A job that brings you the appreciation you deserve. A job that makes you want to grow and improve in. A job that is right for YOU.
Also, whatever you consider as a “cool” job, remember that there are many factors that contribute to it – team, boss, salary, workplace, firm ethics and growth opportunities just to name a few. And even the “coolest” jobs require many hours of hard work and devotion. Please don’t choose a job that doesn’t fit you, just because you think it’s “cool”!
However, if you really are looking to change fields, I do wish you the best of luck! Feel free to contact me if you ever want to talk about it. 🙂
Question: “How do you keep yourself inspired? It’s been so hard for me lately! :(”
Answer: Honestly? I’ve stopped trying to force inspiration a long time ago. To me, inspiration is a state of mind that can be triggered by the smallest of things – a ray of sunshine, a good song or a conversation with a friend. I appreciate it when it’s there but I don’t force it, because it’s not really something you can control.
This , of course, is kinda problematic when you work in a creative field and a certain task depends on your creativity and inspiration. Whenever I feel uninspired, for example when writing a text or brainstorming for ideas, I switch to a different task that requires another set of skills – something analytical or even just a repetitive task that doesn’t requite thinking at all. This way, I distract my brain for a while before I get back to the creative task. It works like 90% of the time. 😉
For everyday inspiration, take time to do things you really enjoy. That’s where inspiration comes from most of the time! Journaling has also been helpful to me lately – just putting my thoughts right out there in front of me and freeing my mind of any worries. Maybe it could help you too!
At the end it’s important to remember not to stress too much about it. It’s okay not to be inspired or motivated all the time. That’s just part of being human!
That was a very refreshing type of content for me, so thank you for sharing your thoughts and questions!
Cheers & stay safe